I was talking on the phone the other night with a dear friend of mine who was wrestling with some difficult stuff: career and relationship and the-direction-of-your-life type stuff. Big stuff. And at some point she voiced this insecurity, this fear, that she wasn't making the right choices or being a good person in her life. At a fundamental level, that there was something wrong with her.
Now I hate to admit this, but that feeling is one I know all too well. There are so many ways in our lives, in our culture and relationships and jobs, that we are made to feel we aren't good enough. So many comparisons and insecurities and the overarching fear that maybe we're totally f*%&cking it all up. It always seems that someone else, over there, has it all figured out and is living the perfect life (and don't even get me started on how social media contributes to that myth).
The last few years of my 20's have been tumultuous and challenging, full of self discovery and growing pains. But there has also been so much goodness, a lot of which has come from learning to be vulnerable, real and honest in my relationships and in the way I carry myself in the world. I recently re-watched Brene Browne's TED talks (if you haven't watched them, drop everything and do it now!) and was bowled over by how accurately she spoke about the things I've been grappling with. There are so many little slights, rejections and hurts in our daily lives that cause us to put up those walls and defenses we all have and which ultimately keep us from living full, open, whole-hearted lives. Learning to break down those walls seems, to me, like one of the most important challenges there is in this life.
Being an adult is hard,and often, life is just plain hard. I was reminded while talking to my friend the other night that sometimes we just need someone to tell us we're ok. Someone to say "you're doing a great job, there is nothing wrong with you, and you are not, as you may sometimes believe, f*&%cking it all up."
It's such a small thing, but for me at least, it means the world. Life is messy and complicated and gorgeous and we're all just out here doing our best to muddle through and make the most of each day. The fact that you are here now, in this moment, is amazing and life is too short to waste it away second-guessing ourselves and hiding behind our fears and insecurities.
So, from me to you, you're doing a great job! Keep it up, don't worry so much, and everything will work out just fine. At least that's what I try to tell myself:)